I feel as though I've gotten pretty controversial lately, and I swear it was completely accidental. Whether it's standing up against North Carolina's deplorable Amendment One or sticking up for Jamie Grumet, the mom on the now infamous cover of this week's Time Magazine, I seem to be pissing people off right and left. I think what all of this conflict comes down to is judgement. And judgement is what I want to write about today.
No other group is as judgmental, or as JUDGED, as mothers. I think a lot of it stems from an innate yearning to be the best mother possible. If another mother does something differently than I do that must mean one of two things, either she's a better mother than I am or she's wrong. Isn't that the internal dialogue? We don't mean to feel this way, and it's not really our fault. We are made that way, and the media surely doesn't help the situation.
I know I get judged all the time. And it hurts.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but I really don't give a crap that this Jamie Grumet still breastfeeds her preschooler. That is her choice. She is obviously an intelligent, well-spoken woman who has her child's best interest at heart. Whether or not I agree with what is is doing is immaterial. I refuse to slam her for her choices. And guess what? I bet that 20 years from now her son and my daughter (who are the same age) will both be well-rounded adults.
So in light of Mothers day I have a question. Are you mom enough? Are you mom enough to stop judging other mothers's decisions? Are you mom enough to know in your heart that what other mothers do has NO BEARING on how good of a mother YOU are? Are you mom enough to stop seeking validation in other mom's perceived faults? Can we all give the Mom Wars a rest and move on to more important issues?
I could write about this all day, as it has been on my heart for a while now, but my 3-year-old is painting herself, the table, and the wall with chocolate pudding. Until next time my friends, Happy Mothers Day!
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I don't think any of us have business judging each other as mothers. We are all different, our children are all different and we(and our children) all have different needs because we are different. We are blessed to be individuals and be able to make individual choices that we feel are best for us and our children. What a wonderful gift to be able to choose how we raise these sweet spirits. I don't think anyone should judge a mother on how she chooses to raise her child. How can we be the best mothers for our children if we are judging each other constantly? What is THAT going to teach our children? Ms. Grumet can nurse her son until he is 8, it's not my business. I will not do that with my children, but that is my choice. This is not an easy life, to be a mother. Rather than breaking each other down, we should all be supporting and loving one another. We are all raising a generation that needs to make good choices and have good values. One day we will be in their hands. If we are this judgmental now, then how bad will it be when our daughters are mothers? How will they possibly ever measure up? The world is ever changing. We must rise above the adversity and love one another and make this a world where our children will be proud to say that WE were the ones who raised them.
ReplyDeleteAmen, sista! I have certain people in my family who can be very critical of others, especially those in our family, and how they raise their children. I find myself constantly reminding them, "They're not your kids, so what do you care?" I mean, granted, the kids are in our family so we love them and care about them, but it's not like they're getting locked up in cages and tortured or anything. Moms do what they do and make the decisions they make because they LOVE their kids. Can you criticize a mom for LOVING her kids and wanting the best for them? So what if their idea of how to achieve that is different from ours? They're NOT OUR KIDS! I will support each mom with the decisions they make for their kids even if I personally think it's unnecessary or ridiculous. I will let you Lysol the heck out of every surface your child touches and I will even offer you hand sanitizer when you come to play at my house (because we have plenty...because it doesn't get used all that often...) because it's what makes you feel better as a mother and so I support you in that.
ReplyDeleteWe need to quit judging and instead try to support one another in feeling good about who we are as mothers, whatever form that may take!
Alida, you know how I feel about women trying to live up to ridiculous expectations! I recently wrote about it!! It's total garbage for moms to be trying to one up each other. My cousin's wife recently blogged about this very Time Magazine article and I think you will find it interesting because she does actually parent this way (attachment parenting)and even though I parent slightly differently, I admire her for the wonderful job she does!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.culturemami.com/2012/05/time-magazine-on-attachment-parenting.html#links